Pleased Decisions.

All I can say is thank you all so much for caring enough to think of me.

I've realized something in these short few days - if you don't have a good mood then you're dragging everyone down with you. And I know thats kind of hard to do when you're sorta feeling a bit depressed sometimes :/
But I figured out that I miss who I was - that little bubbly person who was bouncing everywhere and being happy.
I'm going to be her, without eating. I'm very pleased at my decision :3
That being said, I know that you're probably thinking "thats not going to work..."

BUTT i've been doing it for two days with success, and I don't plan on stopping :3 pleased=me


I shouldn't have told you anything, honestly, there wasn't a point to that. I shouldn't be telling ANYONE at all about anything I'm doing, they just worry and make me feel bad for telling them.
But it's kind of a big part of me.
Ohwell, not like we can change the past, we can only change ourselves and the future.

You don't have to listen to me anymore, because I'm just not going to talk about it ever again :)

When you see me next - i'll be skinnier >:)

What Can I Say?

Yeah....I've come to a conclusion. I'm just a screw up.
I can't stick to my diets, I can't make everyone happy. I can't get off my lazy ass and run like I know I need to be doing. I miss standing up and having the black spots appear before my eyes because it's been so long since I've eaten (the last time I had that was only a week ago)...
But I'm failing to make people happy right now, and I can't stand it. I've hurt this person in the past before, and I think he's coming back around, but when I talked to him he wasn't ... exactly ... himself. Let's just say he won't remember what he was telling me last night, and he won't remember the questions I asked.
....let's just say he cares about me a bit too much
I don't think I'm going to touch the subject until I'm sure of what I'm doing with this, and even then I don't think it's adviseable to act upon anything towards him - he deserves better then me.

Just a parting word.
Lyd.

fight fight.

Britt: I don’t know what hours you work this weekend or if you have plans but if you wanna talk I think I’ve cooled down enough to get this over with

Lydia: just got off work. So why the fuck are you pissed at me?

Brittany: because you were an idiot. I mean seriously? What the fuck were you thinking when you pulled that?

Lydia: what the fuck did I pull?

Brittany:  um how about blowing me off, lying to me and uh running and hiding when you saw me and erin?

Lydia: have you even fucking heard our side of the story, huh?

Brittany: ya anyone that’s heard it has told me it cuz apparently you and alysia are too much of a coward to tell me yourselves.

Lydia: excuse me. Do NOT call me a fucking coward. We didn’t do jackshit. And you’re the one that’s talking the fuck through people not to my fucking face.

Brittany: uh excuse me? I haven’t been talking through anyone! They’ve told me shit that you guys have told them. I haven’t been giving anyone messages.

Lydia: you’ve had a problem with me for how fucking long now? And you haven’t talked to me or to my fucking face.

Brittany: yeah I didn’t like how you weren’t fucking talking to me about jackshit. You would talk to Erin (who you apparently don’t even like) but you wouldn’t talk to me.

But I had figured you had a good reason for not talking to me so I just didn’t push it and tried to ignore it. Sure it pissed me off but I didn’t think it was a huge deal.

Lydia: because apparently you were pissed at me, not that you talked to me at fucking all the next day miss “yeah anyone I’ve TALKED to has chemistry first semester”

Then why the fuck are you pissed?

Brittany: omg the whole you not communicating thing was before. I’m pissed because of you lying to me blowing me off and running

Lydia: I lied because we couldn’t have more then us at danielle’s house and we didn’t want a chance of Erin and Steven following us. Its not a big deal. We did the same to Vicki, but she completely understood

Brittany: yeah dube told me. You guys should have just told me instead of being stupid idiotic cowards and running. She understands that.

Lydia: DON’T CALL ME A COWARD. Yes we should have, it was a fucking mistake, but I highly doubt you’re going to take and apology from me anyways.

Brittany: you’re such an idiot! Dube apologized, she’s forgiven. Alysia tried to talk to me but I had other plans so she’s basically forgiven. Why the fuck would I not take an apology from you?

Lydia: because you seem pissed out of your mind. I’m sorry we ran away, I understand that was childish but I don’t understand why you’re the one that’s upset.

Brittany: uh how many times do I have to repeat myself? You blew me off, lied to me and ran. That’s why I was pissed. Now I’m just pissed because you can’t understand that.

I had gotten enough of that from matt and my uncle. I DO NOT need that from you. And the fact that you couldn’t just come to me the next day (or the day after that etc) like Dube did pisses me off more.

Lydia: I’m never going to understand someone who just called me a coward and has called me a tease and a slut behind my back. You can fucking explain that. I am not apologizing for something I don’t regret doing. I have NO respect for you

Brittany: ha! That’s funny because I have no respect for you either. And for your info you are a tease and a slut and a coward. Just like I’m a bitch and a whore. The difference is I’ve accepted it.

If you would pay attention I’ve been calling you these things to your face for a long time now. But you’re also an idiot because you never register it

Lydia: I am nothing like you. You changed me. I would never have smoken pot or smoked cigarettes of you didn’t fucking get me into them. I don’t want to be around some psycho witch who compels people and thinks I pull on guys heartstrings for fun. I am not a tease, and I am not a whore or a coward, a hider, a slut. You haven’t won anything.

Brittany: XD omg you’re stupider then I thought. I didn’t make you do anything. I just made the option available. I gave you the choice. You chose it. I didn’t actually compel people. I never said you’re a whore because you don’t make money or actually do anything sexual. You are a tease and a coward. You have no mental strength.

And you’ve told me yourself you enjoyed leading guys on and playing them. So don’t even try to pull the innocence card with me. And I never planned on “winning” anything. You’re the one that constantly thinks everything is a game.

Lydia: please I’m happier without you. I’m sorry I have my problems. Who the fuck is adam by the way?

Brittany: wow. You forgot about him already. For your info I was a lot happier without you. You’re the one that came back into my life and screwed both mine and yours over. Have a good life. Bye.

I'm so, so sorry.

I feel like I'm doing this to myself. In turn, I am.
I ate so much and I feel so bad. And I'm going to start crying because I really don't know what's the matter with me anymore.

I didn't mean to hurt anyone,
I didn't mean to starve myself,
I don't mean to be a bother,
I don't mean to be so indecisive,
I can't deal anymore,
I hate what has become of me,
I just want to leave
I want this to change,
But this is my comfort.
...and it's ruining everything. I can't help it.

I'm sorry.
I'm so, so sorry.

You Know Who You Are...

to: K
from: L
unsubscribe to my effin blog.
have a great life!

! wish...

(let's play finish the sentance!) :)


...i didn't have to decide whether to eat or not.
...I could help you
...you could do it on your own
...life could be perfect
...i could take the pain away
...i wasnt so human!
...I had more starbucks ...
...there wasn't so much drama
...everyone could learn from my mistakes
...everyone could see the world as me for one day
...you the best
...you're happy
...you find who you are
...you would love me like you love her.
...for attention (and i'm not going to deny this one!)
...I was that robot who floats in space making cookies
...i had A REALLY BIG SLUSHIE.

I wish I could understand. I wish you could understand.
But you can't seem to, so I can't either.


(many people being referred to, not just one. Sorry for the inconvience!) 
=)

I Can Steal Your Heart Away .

Lyrics: 


I saw you talking on the phone
I know that you are not alone
But you steal my heart away
Yeah you steal my heart away

You’re acting like you’re on your own
But I saw you standing with a girl
Stop tryn’ to steal my heart away,
Stop tryn’ to steal my heart away

I don’t know where we going
I don’t know who we are

I can feel your heartbeat 
He said to me
I can feel your heartbeat
Running through me
Feel your heartbeat
She said
I can feel your heartbeat
She said to me
I can feel your heartbeat
She said to me
I can feel your heartbeat
She said to me
I can feel your heartbeat
Running through me
Heartbeat
Feel your heartbeat

Maybe it’s the way you move
You got me dreaming like a fool
That I can steal your heart away
I can steal your heart away

No matter what it is you think
I’m not the kind of girl you think
And give my heart away
Stop tryin’ steal my heart away

...I don’t know where we going
I don’t know who we are
Feels like we are flowing
High above the stars, the stars, the stars, the stars
...Stop stealing my heart away
Talk to me girl
Stop stealing my heart away
Give it to me boy
Stop stealing my heart away
Say it to me girl
You’re stealing my heart away

Stop stealing my heart away 
Your heartbeat.




I have no idea if anyone know who this song's about ... but I thought I would put it up anyways. The song is one of my all-time faveourites - Heartbeat by Enrique Iglasias and Nicole Scherzinger.